The Astrological Drummer!
Practicing rudiments by the stars!
It soon becomes obvious to all drummers who have joined a band,
played the circuit with the band, released a single with the band,
argued with the band, left the band to join another band, playing the
same circuit with the new band ..... that you begin to realise that every
band is like the Simpsons!
Homer the lead guitar player (Dou! wrong key!), Marge the bass player
(HHHMMMM, Try to play it without fill-ins!), Bart the drummer
(So what if I rush! Don't have a cow, man!), Lisa the saxophone player
(MAAA!!! The band wants me to play in A again!) , not to mention
Maggie on out of time Tambourine, sexy outfit and flowers in her hair
(Tch,Tch,Tch.) and how could we forget Ned Flanders as the drummers
dad and roady.
The band as a dysfunctional family unit can be better understood by
becoming one with your own aura! Look to the stars! Understanding
yourself is the first step in understanding the rest of the band.
The Aries Drummer
This individual is strong, courageous, always thinking in the here and
now, they will start a fill-in and won't come out until they're good and
Favorite Rudiment: Single Reverse Paradiddle ... RRLR LLRL
Taurus the Percussionist
Taureans are practical people. They want a comfortable way of life,
surounded by nice possessions and with money in the bank for a rainy
day. Being a conga player, they make no money at all so they wear a
cool hat, keep five girlfriends in rotation and live off love!
Favorite rudiment: Single Inwards Paradiddle: RLLR LRRL
Gemini drummers play themselves in and out of time, as if it were a
game, Their left hand does not know or does not want to know what
the right hand is doing...... this means that polyrhythms aren't a
Double Paradiddle with LH start: LRLRLL RLRLRR
Cancer, the slow groover
Cancerians need an imaginative band, a nest of fantasy and daydream
where they can stay awhile to revive ther psychic energy. To a
Cancerian Drummer, Less is More because More they can't do.
Favorite Rudiment: Single Ratamacue: LLRLRL RRLRLR
Leo Metal Man
As would be kings, Leos have an inbuilt sense of honour. They stand by
the spirit, not the accuracy of the beat, this means they often fall off
their drum stools whilst trying to hit their four crash cymbals
Favorite Rudiment: Triple Paradiddle: RLRLRLRR LRLRLRLL
Virgo Fusion Fanatic
The Virgoan motto could be: I am, therefore I paradiddle!
Virgoans like to be tidy in their habits, thoughts and actions, for they
have a very marked urge towards perfection which means they cannot
rest until every fellow band member has knelt and prayed before his
Dave Weckl poster.
Favorite Rudiment: Single Outwards Paradiddle: RLRL LRLR
Libra Latin King
Librans are nice, tactful, well-mannered and gentle beings, always
smiling from behind the drumkit. They are at one with the cosmos and
the click track, When they confuse a Merengue with a Joropo, they
cry! Guitarists like to punch them.
Favorite Rudiment: Paradiddle-diddle: RLRRLL RLRRLL
Scorpio Reggae Rhythm machine
Scorpians take the whole band condition very seriously! Scorpio
drummers possess a do or die approach and have been known to run
up and down rehearsal studios yelling "The band, man, think about the
band, you can't leave the band!"
Favorite Rudiment: Nine-Stroke roll: RRLLRRLLR LLRRLLRRL
Sagittarius Soul Train
Sagittarian drummers are the mutable fire signs of the Zodiacal
Drummers! They love to turn things inside out and keep other people
guessing. They love to throw in an extra beat of fill-in just as the
James Brown lookalike in your cover band screams "Get on up!"
causing it to sound like GeGeto-o-o Yoouupp!
Favorite Rudiment: Triplet "slingshots" RLL RRL RLL RRL
Capricorn drummers confront the raw realities of band-life whilst
wishing Dave Abruzeeze was still with Pearl Jam and John Bonham
had sacked his coke roadie.
Favorite Rudiment: Triple Strokes: RRR LLL RRR LLL
Aquarian Odd-Time Swinger
Aquarians percieve beats in an unusual way, spotting a place for
quintuplets the other band-members may not notice nor would want to!
Inventors of the cosmic down-beat, the Aquarian drummer's motto is:
"Mind over Matter!" The rest of the band interpret this as : "If you
think, you stink!"
Favorite Rudiment: Flamadiddle: LRLRR RLRLL
Piscean pounders of punk power chords live halfway between fantasy
and reality, they are closely in touch with their unconscious psyche and
ideas, moods, spring up like a flurry of snare drum single strokes every
time someone pulls on their Prince Albert. The Piscean punk drummer's
great gift is kindness, he will kick you in the head only very lightly if you
say his drumming stinks.
Favorite Rudiment: Fast single strokes: RLRLRLRLRLRLRLRL